P.D. CACEK: Always the Darkness
by Don Kinney

Originally appeared in HORROR Magazine #11.

In an online bio, P.D. (Trish) Cacek states that's she's 329-years-old, in dog years. That translates to 47 in human years. For the past decade, Cacek has been developing her own voice and style writing dark fiction.

Cacek's pivotal moment that guided her toward the dark muse was probably one of these early memories... One Halloween night, as a small child, standing before a tiny black-and-white television she almost choked to death on a Tootsie-Roll pop as Boris Karloff (the Frankenstein monster) suddenly loomed into view. Then there are the dark, foreboding Russian folktales her grandfather told her as bedtime stories. Either way, it was inevitable she would be drawn to writing horror and dark fantasy.

A resident of Arvada, Colorado, she lives in a quintessential suburban neighborhood with her husband Joe Cacek, their two boys Peter and Michael, and two cats and a dog. The typical suburban background allows her to inform her stories with mainstream settings while twisting events in those stories toward a strange conclusion.

Cacek's erotic horror started appearing in various magazines and anthologies regularly in the early-90s. She was a routine contributor to Bizarre Sex magazine and the HOT BLOOD series of anthologies. Her HOT BLOOD story "Metalica" won the HWA Bram Stoker Award in 1996.

Around the mid-90s, diverse elements and themes became evident in Cacek's fiction. Her chapbook THE ANCIENT ONE, showed sweet emotional resonance in an edgy story about a special defender fighting the ageless evil of the world. This addition of the gothic element in her storytelling allowed her to produce the ghost story "Dust Motes" which earned her the World Fantasy Award in 1998.

When writing, Cacek listens to music: Celtic, Classical, New Age, Soft Jazz ... and Alice Cooper. An artist with words, she feeds her creative side with music and the visual art of M.C. Escher, Daniel Hanequand, and Hieronymus Bosch to name only a few of her favorites.

Some of the noteworthy genre movies in Cacek's opinion are The Haunting, The Ghost and Mrs. Muir, Dead Again, The Village of the Damned (original version,) Pumpkinhead, Bram Stoker's Dracula, and Near Dark.

Cacek has published in both the commercial and small press as well as many anthologies. NEWER YORK, GRAILS: The Visitations of the Night, RETURN TO THE TWILIGHT ZONE, 100 WICKED LITTLE WITCHES, HOTTER BLOOD, Peter S. Beagle's THE IMMORTAL UNICORN, David Copperfield's TALES OF THE IMPOSSIBLE, DESIRE BURN, BLOOD MUSE, GOTHIC GHOSTS, and Whitley Strieber's ALIENS.

1997 and '98 were good years for Cacek. Along with winning the awards for her short fiction, her first collection of short fiction, LEAVINGS (Starsend Creations,) was released in late '97 (with a 1998 copyright) and her first novel, NIGHT PRAYERS, was published by the Design Image Group.

An Active Member of both SFWA and HWA, Cacek holds the office of HWA Secretary and is involved with special projects for the Horror Writers organization.

Don Kinney: Lets talk about the personas we wear. In your LOCUS interview, you mentioned in college that you were "Clancy." Why not approach yourself as an integrated whole instead of fragmented roles?

P.D. Cacek: To be honest, I don't know if I could. Oh, I'm more or less P.D./Trish most of the time, but I feel that it's the "fragments" or other personas which allow me to create what I hope are realistic characters on the page. If, for insta0nce the main character of a story is a child (as in my story "Fireflies" from Whitley Strieber's ALIENS anthology), I rely on the "Clancy" persona -- which is still rather child like -- to take over. I know, I know ... all this sounds like I should be given rooms with rubber walls and a wonderful view, and I am only half joking when I say it; but I do feel that being able to completely change one's personality is a very useful tool in writing. And I won't even go into how I actually hear the voices of my characters (male, female; child, adult) while I write their specific parts... That's TOO crazy. Right?

DK: There didn't seem to be support for your writing when you were growing up and even once you were an adult. With writing being such a solitary endeavor, where did you get your support?

PDC: I would like to say "Oh, from my family, friends, clergy and, of course, my writing group." [Smile]. I'd like to say that, but as you've stated, writing, in fact all artistic endeavors, are solitary. We (writer, artist, poet, computer programmer, graphic designer, etc.) spend the majority of our time focus on the project we're working on and only come up for air once we're finished. Writing (and the list of etc. above) is solitary ... unless you're doing a collaboration with your collaborator standing right next to you and then it becomes WAR. The support can only come after the work is finished and by then the writer (etc.) is either thrilled to death with the piece or hates it beyond belief and figures they've lost whatever talent they may have had. At least that's how I feel. I probably take criticism better than moral support from others. So to finally answer your question, while I do get support from family, friends, and fellow writers, the fact that I've chosen to sequester myself in a stand-alone profession, I can only look deeper into myself for the impetus to continue.

DK: As a child, your first story was about a Christmas tree that dies. Your grandfather told you dark Russian folk tales. Given that background, was there any way you weren't going to become a horror writer?

PDC: Good Golly, Miss Molly NO! But that hasn't kept my parents from trying to persuade me into writing things that are more "universally" accepted. Or, as my mother puts it "Stories I won't be ashamed to show MY friends." She would rather I wrote Romances -- with as little bodice ripping as possible. My dad would love for me to be the next Louie L'Amour. That used to bother me quite a lot ... in fact there was a time (about two decades worth to be honest) where I would edit my stories to fit within] what I thought my parents would "like." I didn't publish anything during this period. Now, I'm not saying the stories were hideous (although there are probably a number of editors who'd disagree with me), but I wasn't writing "Me" ... I was writing "Them." Bad, horrible, creative suicide. I stopped when I decided "I" was the writer and that writing about things that used to send shivers up and down my spine really wasn't "naughty." Occasionally, I still think I hear my grandfather's chuckle when I write a particularly "naughty" bit.

DK: It seems you want to write for posterity, to leave something behind that is uniquely you. What other reasons are there to write besides the ones that drive Trish Cacek?

PDC: Well, it sure ain't the money! Although there are a number of writers who do make their living doing this, most of us are still at the 3-cents per/word "Pro" rate. I feel that you write because you can't stop. Writing is like any other drug or vice or pleasure that has its hooks firmly planted inside someone's soul and won't let go. 95% of the time it hurts like hell, but the pain of not writing is worse. It's what we do and who we are. Without it there'd be very little reason for getting up in the mornings. But, of course, I may be oversimplifying things ... a bit.

DK: Many of your publishing credits in the 80s and early-90s were in the dark erotica or mild splatterpunk vein. As you've developed as a writer, you've started producing more of a timeless, Gothic style of story. Is this just a natural maturity evolving in your writing or was it a conscious decision to try to write more stories of that type?

PDC: It was a conscious decision, although I didn't have a set time frame as to when the "transformation" from erotica to gothic would take place. I knew from the beginning the types of stories/novels I wanted to write, but I knew I had to establish and make a name for myself beforehand. Erotica seemed the fastest way of doing this and it paid off. I'm now an internationally known pervert! Seriously though, I'm not sure if it's professional or physical maturity that has shifted my style of writing from the physical to ethereal, but I do feel more confident now to try and shift literary gears. If nothing else, it's an exciting new field to explore.

DK: Compare and contrast your two award-winning stories, "Metalica" and "Dust Motes." Heh-heh. Just kidding. Please give us some insight behind the germinal impetus and elements behind those two stories. Also, any other pieces of your work that developed out of a unique juxtaposition of ideas and real world observations.

PDC: I think I'm about to blow whatever "Creative Genius" label the public may have given me. Actually, "Metalica" and "Dust Motes" do have some similarities: (1) Both were written with a specific anthology in mind, and (2) both were conceived "under the gun." If nothing else, I seem to do a WHOLE lot better when deadlines are short. I wrote "Metalica" in eight hours (Jeff Gelb, editor of the HOTTER BLOOD series, having just reminded me that I'd promised him a story). "Dust Motes" was written in twelve (after having written two other gothic ghost stories that were rejected and, again, waiting until the last moment to finally get a GOOD idea). So, for me, lack of time is a great little motivator. Writing for a specific anthology also helps. At least for me. I know going into a story what the ground rules are and that helps. I know a lot of writers who find this constrictive, but I find it a challenge. Challenges, and rejections, have caused me to create some of my most memorable work. As for the juxtaposition between ideas and the real world -- I just finished a story that came to me while I was working on the rewrite of a novel. I listen to music while I write, and this time I was listening to a tape called BORDERLANDS, an instrumental collection of folk songs from around the world. I generally use the music as background noise, but this time one of the pieces not only caught my ear but instantly gave me a story. Not the idea for a story, but an entire story that wouldn't let me rest until I wrote it. The story is called "The Music Box." The song that inspired it is "Rose Garden." What can I say? Sometimes inspiration does happen.

DK: You've won a couple of pretty nice writing awards from your peers. What were you feeling during the awards ceremonies?

PDC: Shock. Disbelief. Wonder. You name it, I felt it. Especially the shock. As I've stated in a number of interviews already, I tend to be my own worst critic -- so no one else can beat me to the punch. But given that, I never allow myself to feel that my work is "good" ... never award winning. It was overwhelming to discover that my peers, professional writers, editors and publishers, thought I'd written something of merit.

DK: One of the special projects you're heading up for Horror Writers Association is an anthology for the Affiliate members. There's been some lively discussion about that project. Many professional writers in the organization see it as a "gimme" to the Affiliates while they are getting little in return for their dues. How have you answered the criticism?

PDC: First, let me state here that NOTHING will be a "gimme." Every story that is selected for this anthology will have to meet some pretty high standards of quality ... just like every other writer in our field. No one is going to be given a free ticket. The stories have to be the best the writer has to offer ... especially since there are going to be a whole lot of people looking at the end result. I do understand that the "professional" writers in the organization are feeling a bit downhearted at hearing about yet another anthology they can't get into, but I do know the attempts are being made to develop another HWA anthology. Yes ... it will be an anthology that EVERY member can vie for, so why, you ask, this Affiliate Only edition? Because I think it's important to offer the Affiliates -- who can only make recommendations for the Bram Stoker Awards without being able to vote for them, and who can not vote in the election of officers and trustees - something besides the newsletter and Handbook/Directory for their dues. Besides, if we are a professional writing organization I feel it's time we started acting like it ... and provide a showcase for new voices in the field. I know that I would have appreciated any effort when I was an Affiliate.

DK: You've talked elsewhere about how Ray Bradbury's story "The Skeleton" affected you as a kid and how Shirley Jackson is one of your favorite writers. What other writers do you admire, learn from, and enjoy reading?

PDC: Loaded questions. I think I have and will always learn something from every writer whose work I read. Not that it will always be beneficial. I grew up reading a lot of Hemingway and only now am beginning to break myself from the staccato style I found in his writing. Can I cheat and say I enjoy reading work from writers who are also personal friends? To be honest, I do ... and I think I learn a lot about technique and style from reading their work (and having them read mine). When a writer is a close friend you can ask them questions about how they developed a character or why they chose a particular ending. But if you want names: Peter Straub, S.P. Somtow, F. Paul Wilson, Lucy Taylor, Peter S. Beagle, Joe Lansdale and on and on and ... You get the idea.

DK: Staying awake during an operation is something you've tried to convince doctors to let you do. What else have you done to satiate your macabre curiosity?

PDC: I hope I never do satisfy my curiosity, macabre though it is. I think everything in life should be viewed as a possible story scenario ... and that includes the wonderful, full color autopsy photos a friend gives me for my birthday each year (they're great for making me feel better about getting older). Now just because I think this, it doesn't mean I've taken up bungee-jumping or asked for my mother's recipe for "I Don't Know What It Is But Eat It Before It Crawls Off Your Plate" Surprise. I just don't flinch or look away if something "interesting" happens.

DK: Another quote of yours from an interview is, "Of course I'm not happy, I'm a writer!" Do you feel that creative people have to be unhappy or have some other strong emotion driving the Muse? Can't someone who's happy be a good writer?

PDC: I'm sure that somewhere there's a creative person who is happy and is living a life Beaver Cleever would envy ... I just don't know them personally ... nor do any of my friends. I don't know if unhappiness is part of the equation, but it seems to be for a good majority of us. We work alone and most of the time are well ensconced in our own worlds even when we've left the computer/typewriter. I know there's always some part of my brain that's either writing or editing. The Muse is a hard mistress ... she doesn't like to play second fiddle for long. For the longest time I've said, "I can either be happy or successful" as a joke. Now I think the joke was on me.

DK: Horror and dark fantasy seem to be doing well in Hollywood. While horror/dark fantasy publishing may never enjoy the production of the boom years, how can it become more vital and high profile than it is now? The houses are publishing good work but most are languishing in obscurity due to lack of publicity by the publishers. Is it up to the writer to do all the promotion for his/her own work? Already, many writers do the bulk of their own marketing and mailing which cuts into their writing time.

PDC: I hate the idea of having to "promote" my own work, but it looks as though that has become the standard. For years now, the New York publishing houses have maintained that "Horror is Dead!" If that's the case, then no one has to look very far to find the smoking gun. What needs to happen is for the publishing houses to stop fulfilling the prophecy they themselves have created. Unfortunately, I don't think that will happen until a "new" Stephen King appears and makes horror/dark fantasy visibly profitable again. Until then it's up to the writer to keep as high a profile as possible. And you wondered why this is a solitary profession?

DK: You mentioned you started working on a story about mothers and daughters and suddenly your relationship with your mother was inserted into the story. Is it possible to write something and not bring a part of yourself into your writing?

PDC: No. As hard as it is to admit, no, I don't think it ever is possible to divorce yourself so totally from a piece that some small part of you doesn't slip in. Now occasionally I can step back and simply write something that is pure fantasy ("Metalica" for example ... that might be someone's idea of a good time, but NOT MINE! So stop asking!!), but there is still enough of me lurking in the shadows somewhere that lends credence to the story as a whole. Hmmm, now that I think about it, this question goes back to the earlier one on "fragmented personas." So maybe it really isn't me. Interesting idea.

DK: Current work in progress? Work that will be appearing in 1999?

PDC: "Fireflies" and "All Pucked Up" (A MIDSUMMERS NIGHT'S DREAM - One Story, Many Tales, M. Christian) are the two newest things out at the moment. I also have a story coming out in Al Sarrantonio's 999: THE LAST BOOK OF HORROR AND DARK SUSPENSE although I'm not sure if it will be released in '99 or next year. As for current work in progress: Although I'm still tinkering with my Egyptian Cat Goddess novel -- a chapter here, a chapter there when the mood strikes (or the cats remind me I really SHOULD be working on it,) there is another novel that is, like the short story mentioned earlier, insisting to be born. It is set in New Hope, PA and will be a ghostly love story, much more in the gothic style than anything I've written to date. At the moment I'm jotting notes and doing research on the area, but come this summer, my computer and I will be heading back east for the actual writing. Just how the idea came about, and all the circumstances enabling me to make this journey is a story in itself, but for right now let's just say that sometimes the Muse just won't take "No" for an answer.

"I don't believe in quotes ... and you can quote me on that." - P.D. "Trish" Cacek.

Copyright © 1998 Don Kinney. All rights reserved.